Sometimes our light goes out
but it is blown again into flame
by an encounter with another
human being. Each of us owes
the deepest thanks to those who
have rekindled this inner light.

Albert Schweitzer

tis no other than thyself that rekindles the inner light, by accepting
the helping hand that comes forth to help,
the hanky to wipe thy tears,
the shoulder that offers itself to cry on,
summoning the courage to have another go at life...

Phir koi aya Dil-e-Zaar! Nahi koi nahi
Rah-rau hoga kahiin aur chala jaayega
Dhal chukee raat, bikharnay laga taaron ka ghubaar
Larrkharraanay lagay aiwaanon mein khwaabeeda charagh
So gayi raasta tak tak ke har ik rah-guzar
Ajnabi khaak ne dhundlaa diye qadmon ke suraagh
Gul karo shame'ein, barhaa do mae-o-meena-o ayaagh
apnay bai-khwaab kivaarron ko muqaffil kar do
ab yahan koi nahi, koi nahi aaye ga...

tujhse naraz nahi zindagi
hairaan huun
hairaan huun mein

Life takes its toll, you sit in awe
Dunno what to do, what to say, what to think
And then situations keep slapping you around like a twister bashing around debris
Nothing is ever fair is it?
Who said life was ever gonna be fair?
Then why do we have to live it at all?
Why all these earthquakes and the after shocks to follow?
Allah mian, I miss you
Where are you?

keeping myself
busy..
sick...
out of my skin

Has its pros and cons, but I miss writing
My way to keep life smiling at me

dada jaan

I know you're out there somewhere. The concepts and hypotheses of after death experiences are yet to be comprehended by the limited intellect of humans, but i know for sure.
You're there somewhere, smiling at me.
And how do I know that?
Because I'm alive ...

Paper 3.3 Performance Management
Section A.
Ratio analysis.
Performance measurement using specific models (eg Fitzgerald and Moon)
Section B.
Activity-based management
Strategic management accounting
Environmental management accounting.
Long-term decision making perhaps using NPVs and/or risk and uncertainty.
Management information systems

Environmental accounting.
Relevant costs.
Performance measures.
Activity based techniques.
Backflush accounting.
Risk in decision making.
Strategic management accounting.
Pricing

Dil se phir hogi meri baat ke ay dil ay dil

Yeh jo mehboob banaa hai teri tanhai ka
yeh tau mehmaan hai ghari bhar ka, chalaa jayega
Iss se kab teri museebat ka madaava hoga

Mushta'al ho ke abhi uthein gai wehshi saye
yeh chala jayega, reh jaayein gai baqi saye

Raat bhar jin se tera khoon kharaaba hoga
Jang thehri hai koi khel nahi hai ay dil

Dushman-e-jaan hein sabhi, saray ke saray qaatil
yeh karrii raat bhi
yeh saye bhi
tanhai bhi ...

03.12.2005 07:53 AM
32 Bahadur AK regiment
Balakot, Mansehra

Always came up North during the summers.

Saw Snow on distant mountains. It's so freezing that my fingers refuse to move over the keypad. First time ever, inside a tent. Army men even bloody fold their blankets so technically, they're tough to unfold. Blankets and beds are so cold, they seem wet. Only one girl in the tent is smoking, but we all seem to be, as the flimsy tent won't keep the cold out.
People who are reduced to calling these tents home ...
We just cannot relate to it

a very very good morning.
Cold like the natural temp control's busted or something, but the invincible summer i possess within, keeps a warm air to the ambience. Life gives way, now I shall breeze along the path to what may be unknown but certainly not intimidating.

Energy is Eternal Delight

-- William Blake

Energy to me, is ... I.
Unquantifiable vigour, struggling to break loose, overwhelming my own self.
Outgrowing grief and dodging tough spots. Does all this verve help?
Sometimes it does. Others, it cuts you in halves, when you want to cry and all you could do is laugh. Could give anything to wipe that smile off your face and be able to cry, endlessly.
There's nothing that hurts more than the tears that only come up to the corners of the eye and then jab their way down the throat.

yet... energy is eternal delight 'coz William Blake's a dead Poet and i'm a nobody and still alive!

to Balakot
what it was and what remains...


"... Laut jaati hai udhar ko bhi nazar kyaa kiije
ab bhi dil kash hai tera husn magar kyaa kiije

aur bhi dukh hein zamaanay mein muhabbat ke sivaa
raahatein aur bhi hein vasl ki raahat ke sivaa ..."

Cerelac

Crayola

Barbie

Cremola

Pancho

Jubilee

kittens and balls of wool

spit fights

twisting the swings, then unwinding and savouring the dizziness

climbing trees to eat unripe apples

missing montessori teacher and sitting in montessori every morning despite being in kindergarten

vommiting every morning

falling off the swing and see the world go ROUND

eating chalk

jumping on mattresses

eating bunties, making believe they're medicines

losing the pieces of the jigsaw

getting the small motorbike rider to woo barbie

the ecstasy of running round and round in circles then falling to the ground

pretending to have long hair

acting out every story book

praying to become a doctor

asking God for toys

learning to tie shoelaces from dada jaan

sleeping with abba

having crushes

praying, praying and praying

heartbreaks

crying, crying and crying

moving on to more crushes

Val Kilmer

Airforce

Genetics

dada jaan

abba

and then life begins...

Irony personified

watercoloured backgrounds, fading away with time
finely chiseled statues, begin to lose their shine, as ends begin to chip off
satin gowns, ripped to shreds as the sun takes over the morning sky


... ashes to ashes, dust to dust

What pain may reap...

mera dard naghma-e- bay sada
meri zaat zarra-e- bay nishaan

mere dard ko jo zubaan milay
mujhe apna naam-o-nishaan milay

...

mujhe kainaat ki sarwari
mujhe daulat-e- do jahaan milay

... mujhe daulat-e- do jahaan milay

Procrastinate:
pro·cras·ti·nate ( P ) (pr-krst-nt, pr-)v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates v. intr.
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.v. tr.
To postpone or delay needlessly.
[Latin prcrstinre, prcrstint- : pr-, forward; see pro-1 + crstinus, of tomorrow (from crs, tomorrow).]
pro·crasti·nation n. pro·crasti·nator n.
1: postpone doing what one should be doing; "He did not want to write the letter and procrastinated for days" [syn: stall, drag one's feet, drag one's heels, shillyshally, dilly-dally, dillydally] 2: postpone or delay needlessly; "He procrastinated the matter until it was almost too late"


Dictionary Hareme Sumble

Procrastination:
Being obscure and unreliable. Disorganised and relentless behaviour. [Syn: Lying, deceit, cheating, hurting, killing your own offspring]




Conclusion

Hurt, numbness, pain beyond words could ever describe...




... silence.

As it all just slips away from your hands, you just sit there watching it dissolve in the mist of time.

Men are nobody.
I don't like them.
They are like corns under your feet, they begin to hurt a little into the journey, ending up hurting you more than you can imagine little pieces of skin can be capable of.
Women only tolerate creatures as outrageous as men coz they're the absolute father figure. They father their kids.

seems like old times when women used to do the crying...
am I truly satan personified, the way they make me feel?
Do I commit a sin saving myself from falling into the pit of darkness?
I'm so bloody sick of being a freak magnet, or is it my skill that i turn men into freaks.
Where did the oh-so-chivalrous men go? Or am I too caught up in the fairy tale-ish think bubble of a prince charming riding across the wilderness and saving me from the demons?
Hell, no more! Won't take this any more...
I am my own prince charming
Time out!

Losing trust ... lost it altogether.
Gone to the either extreme but my own self outshines the grotesque experienced and weathered reflex of my brain every now and then.
And then it hurts. Inside me I still feel like trusting everyone who approaches me with a smile. My brain almost beats me up to a coma when I try doing that. I don't trust them, if I tell them, it'll come to them as a blow and I can't be so cruel.
Used to being cruel just to myself
my own self...

No flowery prose, just what I couldn’t hold back…

God, I’ve never felt this greedy in my life. A greed for his sense of prescience and foresight. Wish he was my own true brother. Maybe God didn’t give me one because he was taken already. The big guy up there knows me, won’t settle for second best!
I wish I had his sense of knowing what people are made of. This is one thing I lack. He is SUCH an inspiration. My dreams, my tantrums and seemingly stupid visions since childhood, today’s session tells me, I’m not brewing a pot of stones, not building a cobweb of fairytales to keep my fantasy land alive. Tantrums come to life if you work on them. Work work work. Just gave me a boost. I can achieve what I dream of. I can, and I will. And one day I’ll go up to him and tell him, I owe this to you.

is this it?

Hey big guy up there? Makin everythin' go round;
is this it?
we all have our own thresholds, our own limits, our own set of rules eh?
why do some people get away with so much and the rest?
run off with the Gringotts' gold medallions and move on, try sneaking off with a dime and ye gets caught right by the collar that's ready to fall off on its own!
but then the gold taketh thy glee and the torn collar keeps the glint in the eye alive
... not a bad deal!

what you see, you believe not
what it seems, it deems not
you see and cower from it, pass it by like a pebble by the roadside, talk of the weather instead. When it comes blowing down the building, you stand and watch in remorse. Why the awe, why the surprise, why astonishment? You saw it coming you un-saw it. It breaks your back, suits you well enough.
Thy shalt not get what thee did not give out, baby!
I'm being cruel? Why who isn't? Isn't that what life's all about? Being thrown down here, out of the heavens.
but
that too was a punishment wasn't it ... ?

Strength is what I needed.
Allah gave me HIS strength.
What else do I need to be sure of?

But satan keeps taking his blow. It's so so strong.
But since we're all here to play, let the games begin ...

"Life it seems to fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else ..."

I did my best.
It wasn't good enough.
Will I ever be ENOUGH for a man?
Can any woman ever be enough for the ogre called man?
If this ever happens again, I know I'll hafta live with it.

but breathing won't ever feel the same again ...

Life is such a scrambled code.
Takes you a lifetime to unscramble it and once you do, if you ever, by then maybe you don't even need it around.
I just wish I could run away, far off. For a long time.
Somewhere new, to start afresh ...

Such a pot pourri of thoughts, bubbling in the cauldron of what i hold high upon my shoulders. I don't know what to think. What I should be thinking, stifles and chokes me, harrowing me to the coming alive of some darkest possible consequences. However, what fancies my attention is what i shouldn't be thinking. But why shouldn't? I don't know, this guilt, this unknown feel of ... but it's not wrong... Does everything that makes me happy, HAVE to be wrong?

I exist for myself and my Allah. Whatever, whoever comes in my way, I'll help them, love them if it doesn't unlove me. But nothing will hinder me ever again from keeping myself and God happy.
Satan will keep a close eyeand maybe at times, he'll win too, but from this day forth, two will play this game!

Where you gotta go, you gotta go. No matter how hard you try, "the moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on. Nor all thy piety nor all thy tears, shall lure it back to cancel half a line..."
Your feet and fate carry you to places you're destined to see.

Why is it that when i lie on the bed, trying to lull my tired self to sleep
all the depressions in my life come rushing to me.
I lay there, awake in the midst of darkness
fearing a darker tomorrow.

Colour seems to have drained from my surroundings. I am living, I am happy, I am fine
Just a little space right by my side ...

Iron jawed angels

This movie based on nothing but sheer history today, gives me a reason to live. What do I bawl my eyes out for? I stood up to my husband, put my foot down, breaking loose because I found out he wasn’t exactly the person I had perceived him to be? A few suitcases of clothes gone to waste, some matching shoes to go with them and jewels for the big day. And I have the audacity to call myself in trouble? I declare I’m the one in pain, betrayed by the man I loved to bits and that life seems meaning less, bull shit!
Alice Paul, physically hurt, force fed through her hunger strike.
218 women in jail for obstructing traffic while they stood a quiet protest at the pavement outside the white house for the women sufferings and a demand for women votes in the United States.
The Senator’s wife, Emily Layton survives hunger strike, toughest possible situations in jail and custody of her two daughters by her democrat husband who does not approve of her siding with the Suffragists.
They accomplished what they set out for. They lived for their cause and were willing to die for it.
“Suffering women are worse than anti-suffragists” said Alice Paul. Today, as I raise my voice against something I feel is not fair to me and I don’t feel like succumbing to it, I side with the suffragists. I stand next to Alice Paul, Lucy Burns and those 30 women that took it to their heart and soul to win the right for women to vote. To be part and parcel of the nation, not just for healing wounds and rolling out bandages but for taking pleasure in being a citizen of the United States. To ensure the comprehensive adaptation of democracy irrespective of any gender prejudice.
All leading to the liberation and empowerment of the young girl, who grows up learning to take care of all around her but herself. Making her realize, she has to take care of herself too. She deserves a place she likes in the play pen, she’s worthy of the front seat she wants at school, she ought to have the right to study what she wishes and be who she wants to be one day. She, earns a position befitting a man in this vicious gentleman’s world. She is human too.

Man plans and God laughs at it. Life slips away as if that's the way to be. But that's when you truly begin to live, once everything seems to be over and the little butterfly of hope flits out of sight. Life begins when you actually think you're through with it.

Something I scribbled quite some time ago ...

"Life is to endure what you loathe & to yearn for what you desire. Your dreams are nothing but an infamy of your subconscious where your wants emerge and are eventually buried unfulfilled."